Dear People That Keep Hacking this Blog,
This Post will commemorate the third time you have broken into this blog and posted some things of a nature that ought not be. I realize people have trouble with their relationships, but the help you are offering is tasteless, pointless and doesn't fix any real problems at all. So I can hardly see why you need this website to pawn your solutions that only dig people deeper into whatever fantasy hole they managed to get themselves into with help from folks like you.
Now to the real issue. I imagine that even though you're down in your mom's basement at 3 or 4 in the morning quietly giggling at the ever so clever time you're having invading other people's lives and sprinkling filth all over it, it doesn't seem to fill that hole you had when no one showed up to your 41st birthday party. I'm sure it gives you goose pimples of excitement at the great adventure you're having...you know, doing things you're not supposed to do, but allow me to make a list of things that might fill your life with that sense of adventure that eludes you.
1. Go outside - the big light might shock you, so bring protective eye gear
2. Talk to a girl - might want to work up to this. Try another human first
3. Play a sport (hint: it won't involve pushing buttons)
4. Plant a garden - that stuff under the grass is called "dirt", wait, do you know what grass is?
5. Adopt a pet - No, dragons don't exist, try a puppy.
These are just a few things you can try to avoid annoying people, teaching children new words, and creating awkward situations that good folks who like to write things don't have to keep changing passwords or shooting people to keep this sort of thing from happening. I offer this, email me if you'd like to find any more things to do, or if you want to have a good friend. I'd post it, but I'm pretty sure you've already got the address. Toodles,
Your future friend and mentor
Juan
Comments
One, there is nothing wrong with living with your parents. It saves money and forgages bonds. However, telling people they are tasteless and pointless is wrong.
Two, 'fantasy hole'? Seriously?
Three, assuming this person is 41 or older is just as bad as assuming they've never been outside, talked to a girl, played sports, planted a garden, or adopted a pet. You also assumed this person was a boy, which is kind of sexist. And you assumed that whoever he is, he must be straight, which is heteronormativity at its worst.
Four, dragons are real.
Five, I agree that offering friendship after being so mean is very insulting.
Six, it is no joke when no one comes to your birthday party, or when all the kids gang up on you.
Seven, I'm sure this person already has a mentor: the same one who taught him or her how to hack and slay dragons—just like my dad.
Eight, I'm also sure he or she has a lovely mother.
Nine, I left the church because of people like you.
Ten, I like most of Casting Crown's music.
Eleven, just not how mean, condescending and very un-loving (i.e. un-Christlike) one of its members chooses to be.
forges*